I've been studying and am currently going through a chapter in my Gender and Society Paper called 'Violence against women' (I know, not fun). Reading throuh 'Eve-teasing and molesting', I realised, that by definition (at least in India, I don't know about the rest of the world), women go through this EVERY SINGLE DAY. Men staring. Men touching themselves while staring. Men 'accidentally' grazing you while they walk past you. Men whistling or singing some Bollywood song while walking past you. This is 'normal', an everyday thing. You only have to step out of the house to experience it. When you give it a name though, it's 'eve-teasing' or 'molestation' or 'sexual harassment'. So we'd be coming home giving an account of how a man did/said something today that they should not have done (that's actually punishable by law). Except that we don't say that because we often don't even notice, or we don't feel harmed by it. We've become desensitized to it. Our strategy is to ignore it. Our strategy is to be silent and walk on by or even laugh about it because sometimes it is really funny – how these men make a fool of themselves.
And honestly, what else can you do? How can you be bothered by it every time it happens to you because then we'd be bothered all day long, every day, and I'm only exaggerating a little bit. Honest.
But my question is this: Is that right? Should we be silent? Is our strategy of ignoring it, right? And why does it happen? I refuse to believe that men were created like that. I know that we were created with certain drives but I also know that that's not an excuse and there is such a thing as self-control and there is a right time and place for our desires to be satisfied! Something has definitely gone wrong with the way (some) men look at women. Why? And how do women want to be seen? How do we want to be treated? And do our actions, as women, reflect that?
As for me, my policy is that to any man: If I'm not your wife or your mother, I am your sister or your daughter and I want to be treated with respect. I don't want to be seen as a sexual object. I want to be seen as a person and I want to be treated with kindness and love.
And I hope that I will treat men in the same way.
What about you, girls? And guys?
(I actually wrote this at the American Library a few days ago, but didn't find time to post it till now.)
5 comments:
You heard about the bus-stop incident? Is that what prompted this?
It is because we do not take a stand that many others end up being violated at a physical and emotional level. It does not take much to cross the line. I am sure there are many cases where women are being abused and others watch and do nothing - or even cheer the abuser on. The problem is that unless we women can be true to ourselves and stand up and fight even though we believe that the cost of standing up is steep we cannot fight back.
Raja Ram Mohan Roy fought against all odds to stop Sati. He lost his home, friends, family, wealth and health for the cause. He was willing to fight the cause at any cost - alone if necessary. He was a revolutionist - are we?
Ajay (remember me?) I liked your perspective - and seeking attention by degrading and being disrespectful is becoming the 'in thing' lately. We need to go back to basics and start respecting the Christ in ourselves and others - we need to connect at the level of the soul. Let each of us bow down to the other in respect and get noticed in love rather than lust. I am glad you refused the girl and that she left. I would have taken it a step further and treated her like a person and gotten to know her so she felt respected as a divine being. Hope you are well. Take care.
@Aj! Why did you delete your comment (essay! :P)!?
@Sharan: Yeah, heard about the bus-incident but really what prompted this were my Gender notes. I did think about the incident though when I was writing this...
@Pipi: Thanks for commenting! :)
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