Bangaluru!

Yello!

Well, I am in Bangalore once again and I am up to here with things to do but as usual I am majorly procrastinating. Just give it some time and soon I shall get over the tv channels which seem like millions after "suffering" the daily "Saas-Bahu" (Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law) soaps for three months. Actually they're not really like that anymore, at least not the ones I used to watch with my parents sometimes. Now they're more girl-power oriented Saas and bahu are now on the same team and not fighting against each other!! And they're kicking some male-chauvinistic-pig mens' asses together. LOL
Anyway, here's a pic of my beloved desk at which I shall soon have to be spending many hours with my german books again. More on that later.

Nofia!

My beautiful Doggy as handsome as ever!!

This one is for you Niru! He misses You!

Hindustani Hawa ka Jhokha!

(A draft of Indian Air!)

Hello India! Got off the plane last… well actually this morning (28th Oct) at three am! And am now in Mumbai at my grandma’s place and there’s not much to do. I slept like a log all morning cause I didn’t sleep a wink on the plane (I watched three movies! One from Lusaka to Nairobi and two on the long haul to Mumbai)
Ate lunch, picked up some courage to go to the post office alone and drop off some letters (Meg, there’s one long one for you!!) Spend some time trying to cross the road, I have no guts!

“Okay, now Tina. Ah, dammit, that guy was coming too fast. Okay, next time, you’re just gonna have to run, nobody’s gonna stop for you. Just do it. Okay NOW. Ahhhh, why won’t my legs move?!!”

He he he. Seriously I stood there for a couple of minutes trying to cross the road. It takes some getting used to but hey, I’m not dead and I even managed to post those letters and when I got home my mum said, “Wow that was quick!” J Mission accomplished!

This morning the first thing I did when I got off the plane was to take a deep breath and then I looked at my mum and said, “Ahhh Desher Gondo” which is “Ahhh the smell of India.” Sounds odd I know, but India really has this strong, distinct smell (perhaps to some a bad smell) and I remember how much I used to hate it when I “lived” in Lusaka and used to come to India for holidays but now I love it. In fact I wouldn’t mind leaving the country again and again just so I can come back and get that first strong drafty smell of India when you get off the plane. Its good to be here. This is where my roots lie, this is where they will always lie. As much as I hate the bureaucracy, the passport office (!!!), the pollution, the staring men, the traffic, the auto-wallahs’ attitude, it still pulls me right back.

Anyway, flying to Bangalore tomorrow morning, I think I will cut my hair today. I don’t know, but I might just, on a whim… Oh, and I’m craving a dosa, will do that this evening too. Cheese Dosa.

More later,
Swagatam! (Welcome)

Don't have anything to say so here's a picture for you...

More later in a couple days from Bangalore!!
Ugh, not really looking forward to getting on a plane again.
hmmmmm.

Look what I found!!

I've been packing again; its like my routine now, every three months I'm packing.
Anyway, so while clearing out my cupboards I found some stuff from back in the day, when I was a kid!!! I'm still a kid, but you know, when I was a smaller kid!! ;)

• My little stamps booklet, I had a phase of stamp collecting and I was really serious about it and I even bought this little beginners' kit for stamp collectors and this useful little book was in it which I never even read but anyways!

• CANDY! He he he, I had a thing for dolls okay! And this little one came from Canada, my aunt bought it for me. She's really dirty now, but she I still like her, she's nice to cuddle. :)

• Mr. Shark!! Nyahahaha. :) I got him from South Africa like eons ago. My family and another family went together on this trip and we had a great lot of fun. I'm very attached to this toy for some reason, apparentely my mum has tried to give it away to some other kids but I would never let her and I still won't. It's just so cool. It like opens and closes its mouth and everything!! hee hee hee. Oh, the childishness of me!!

Old love, renewed passion...

I’ve been thinking back a lot over the last week, trying to find some of my old dreams and things that I liked to do before I lost them or simply forgot their status somewhere along the way and I remembered this.

While most of my friends used to collect stickers, I used to collect stamps. It was a much cheaper hobby and for me also much more intriguing than stickers of many cartoon characters that I had never even seen on tv as for the longest time, my parents avoided putting cable tv at home (and I am grateful to them for that!!) However the fact that I had never heard of many of the countries from which I had stamps bothered me much less, in fact I enjoyed that. It meant that I could look it up in an atlas and find out about another country and dream of one day perhaps, visiting there.

I also remember being completely fascinated with taking photos. Most kids are fascinated by cameras, especially the flashes so I guess I wasn’t much different. I remember being very excited and feeling privileged when my parents would let me take a photo. My first ever guideline was to centre the photo. “Make sure the object is in the middle of the frame, okay?” That’s what I was told and I did that with much concentration, I wanted to get it right, I wanted to take a good photo.
Those were the days of manual cameras. Those were the days of looking through a little hole at the top of the camera and not a screen.
Now, I have my own digital camera but I still take photos with that passion, with that zest to get it right, although I have realized that in a field of art, “right” is VERY relative!

My stamp collection has become a redundant passion and my little album sits in a trunk somewhere and perhaps someday I will take it out and have a look at it. However I still have a crazy passion for photography. A kind of passion that will keep me awake at one in the morning taking absolutely random shots. A kind of passion that will make me turn on my laptop at half past one to write about it!! In fact there was even a time when I was seriously considering a career in photography but then I figured that if you take photography away from that part of my life that it holds now, then I would miss it. Something that walks beside me and keeps me company, not something that walks ahead of me nor behind me but with me.

Celebrating Light!

I had a blast yesterday. I went to this annual Diwali show which is possibly the largest social event in Lusaka. Was a little odd seeing soooo many people around, although you'd think I should be used to that by now given that I live in India. But my goodness, this was jam packed. Anyway, so the show was basically a cultural program and then a fireworks show after that. Which was fantastic. You really have to see it to believe it. It was really nice, especially not having watched a fireworks show for over five years now, I watched with the same excitement as a child does. I tried taking some photos but they really don't do the fireworks any justice so I'm not going to publish them. But I do have some other ones.
I had a great time embarrassing my friends as I was a little hyper yesterday and kept bursting into song and dance as they were playing some of my favourite hindi numbers!! he he he. Sheesh, I was just having some fun!

These are some of my friends all dressed up for one of their dances. The theme for the night was "Festivals and Celebrations of India" and these guys were presenting Independence day, thus the colour co-ordination.

Payel and plain-jane me! Seriously if you lined my up with all the girls there, I would be the most odd, dressed in my kurti!! Loads of pretty girls around. I guess I'm just not really into the whole dressing up thing. The only make-up I own is eyeliner and a bottle of transparent nail-polish! Hmmm, maybe someday, I'll get into it. ;)

Mum's apprentice

Ma's the word...

My mother is the best seamstress I know. When I was young she used to stitch practically all of my clothes for me. I used to love them and I also remember always sitting downstairs with my mum and her customers and watching her taking measurements, drawing designs and then examining the material... I was very fascinated by it. And I've always wanted to learn, so I've been playing Ma's apprentice for the past two days! And after a lot of stitching, undoing, re-stitching and calling myself an idiot several times, cause I kept getting it wrong, I finally made myself a little top to get me through the heat.

Still have a long way to go though, before I become master seamstress myself!!! ;) Someday, hopefully I'll be able to stitch clothes for my own kids.

Breaking old habits and building new dreams...

I ignored my routine today. I didn’t sit at the computer all day, (well until now!!) and I am very proud of myself for that. Unknowingly I have become too dependent on this thing. Although in my defense I’d like to say that I DO need to use it for my applications that are sort of like an axe above my head at the moment.

Anyway, so I pampered my mum with a pedicure this morning, went back to my unfinished knitting and after a lot of messaging managed to put together an afternoon out with my good ol’ friend Tukai!! It was possibly the most exciting thing I have done in Lusaka thus far. Oh, the joy of getting out. I really miss that. You see here its not as easy as hailing an auto and meeting a friend. Its much more complicated, especially for a girl. Gawsh.

But thanks to my darling papa who kindly agreed to play chaperone, we went to watch a movie this afternoon!! Its called Step up. Its one of those great dancing, good music, cute guy, not much of a story movies. But still I had fun, we laughed our heads off, especially in the beginning when they showed previews of some other movies and one of them was called Borat (I think) and it was absolutely hilarious!! In fact we spend some solid time laughing about that even after the movie when we were just sitting around. Step up was okay, a nice feel-good movie, but I don’t know if that means it was a chick-flick. Nah, not really. Ah, watch it for yourself and decide!!!

It was rather weird to see a theatre that was soo empty. After being used to jam packed ones in Bangalore, no matter what time of the day or what day of the week, there's always people. This was practically empty though!!! Like besides us, the people behind the popcorn counter, and the ticket collector guy there wasn't anyone else outside the theatre. And inside, it was sooo quiet, like everyone was whispering and the movie hadn't even started yet! Is it like that everywhere?? Come to think of it, I don't remember whether we used to whisper in the theatre before the movie in India.
I'm such a tourist! I take my camera wherever I go!! But I was really excited today!! Seriously like the skipping kind of excited. I went to a theatre after like four months and this was my first english movie in more than two months! But still, when I took out my camera and said, "let's take a photo in front of the poster," Tukai was like, "are you serious!?!?" YES!
This was the take two of the long arm shot. I let her do it, cause I tend to cut of the other person's head when I try!! I like this shot.

That Funny Feeling...

Its weird how my senses can stimulate memories in my head.

So many memories. 18 years worth of memories. Almost 19 in fact. They’re all stacked up some where in my brain, and I can’t always access them whenever I want to but they show up sometimes at the most annoying of times or when I really would rather not remember them.

A smell, a sight, a taste, a sound or a touch of some kind and KA-BAM a distinct picture of a moment in my past comes running back to me and I get that funny feeling in my stomach; like as if my heart just sank to where my stomach is and it feels heavy.

Sometimes it’s a nice feeling and sometimes it just makes me want to barf.
Sometimes I don’t want to remember cause it hurts and it makes me want to cry and sometimes I get sick of crying.
And sometimes, the memory reminds me to be positive, life is great.
Sometimes I just want to disappear. Imagine that?? When you really don’t want to be somewhere, you could just snap a finger and you’re gone. But life’s not like that. And that’s probably the cowardy-custard kind of way to do it!

I don’t even know why I am talking about this. I think it was just because I smelt rain yesterday and it had this distinct smell that stimulated a memory of Ooty…

Later,

I LOVE LETTERS!!!

Just got a letter from down-under!!! Thank You Niru, you made my day!!!

Absolutely loved it. You transported me for a second there to the banks of the river Yarra you were sitting by in the first bit. There’s something about water, I haven’t quite figured it out yet, but there’s something about it that makes it such a peaceful presence. Just like there is with wind. I like to think that the wind is God’s voice. So powerful yet so gentle. I like standing outside sometimes on a windy day and looking up at the sky and saying, “I love you” and then I imagine God saying it back to me when he makes the wind blow…

“I love you too. I always have and I always will.”

Anyway, did I mention I got a letter from my Niru? Ah yes I did. Absent minded me.

Niru is my daughter. He he he. We had quite a complicated “family tree” going back in the dorm, back in the day. Goodness, I can’t believe I just said that, “back in the day.”

So Niru was my daughter and I was her mother although sometimes she really suited the role of mother much better. What with the lectures and the orders and the wisdom!! ;) You see, it started of like this…

I used to brush out her crazy curls and try and make her not wear black tomboyish clothes all the time (although now she asks me, “Have you changed your dressing style much??”) and thus I became her mother.

Don’t worry about it if you don’t understand.

Niru was my first room-mate five years ago when I joined Hebby and I won’t say we were “stuck-together-friends-forever” kind of friends since then but I think we got closer as the years went by. And I think we also got crazier as the years went by!

Seriously by the end of our schooling career, we were absolute “nutters”! We used to lie out on the road in front of our dorm and watch the clouds or the stars and laugh our heads off for no reason at all.

I miss you Daughter! I miss our long talks and our long walks with Smeegs and Ajay! I miss your good-night hugs and your ice tea!! I miss having to fight you for Nofia. (talking of whom, I MISS NOFIA, my little black, beautiful stuffed doggy is sitting on top of my desk in Bangalore!!) I miss star gazing with you. I miss trekking and setting up camp with you. I miss having you and Meg fighting and then hearing Meg yelling “TINA!!! Get your daughter off me!!!” or you yelling “Ahhhhh, MAMMA!!” LOL

Oh man, getting teary again… When I see you again we have to spend a solid hour laughing and crying all at the same time about the “old days!”

Someday we gotta take that trip to Africa together.

I LURVE YOU SOOOO MUCH!
Later my aussie-fashion-chick!

P.S I promise to send you a letter soon, when I find a nice spot to write from… That might be a little hard, but I shall find it.

"I know it ain't easy, but that's okay... Let's be hopeful"

Okay I found the lyrics of the song Hope which was included in the Soundtrack for Coach Carter. It’s a nice song, I really like it and the lyrics are pretty cool too; what makes it cooler is that its such a “thuggish” song but the words are well, “sweet” sometimes in a weird sort of “thuggish” way… I’m not making any sense. Whatever. Well here’s the chorus that I like the best…

[Chorus (Faith Evans)]Cuz I’m hopeful,
yes I am, hopeful for today,
Take this music and use it Let it take you away,
And be hopeful (hopeful) and he’ll make a way
I know it ain’t easy but that’s okay.
Let’s be hopeful!

p.s computers hate me. they are driving me up the wall. you can't live with them, can't live without them. pshhhhh

Yadda Yadda Yadda

I love that, it sounds so cool and is such a cool replacement for the boring old “et cetera” It sounds so cool.
Wow. I just said cool three times.

Well, now I can positively say that I am going mad. I have to write a million essays, fill in a million forms, send a million applications, get a million copies of recommendations and transcripts, yadda yadda yadda. (I love it! He he he)

Okay, not a million but still there’s lots to do. At least I have now made up my mind about where I am applying (I think. Oh gosh.) But telling that to College board has turned out to be a nightmare. I now have seven days to finalise that list so that college board can send my official SAT results to the Uni’s I want to apply to. I’ve tried at least seven times in the last two days. BUT, *&$^#@ zamtel (which is the wonderful ‘stone-age’ dial up connection I have at home) dies exactly and precisely at the moment when I want to save my changes. Ugh. Totally testing my patience and I fail each time. I sometimes surprise myself at how short my temper is. Breathe woman, breathe.

Anyway, so I haven’t gotten very far. And I need to get this out of the way as soon as possible cause once I get back to India there’s even more to do, what with the wedding just around the corner. I have to start packing soon too. Oh gosh, what an erratic life I have lead for the last five years>>>

Lusaka-Mumbai-Bangalore-Ooty-Mumbai-Lusaka-Mumbai-Bangalore-Ooty-Bangalore-Ooty-Bangalore-Ooty-Mumbai-Lusaka-South Africa-Lusaka-Mumbai-Bangalore-Ooty-Bhubaneshwar-Bangalore-Ooty-Bangalore-Ooty-Delhi-Bangalore-Ooty-Nagercoil-Kanyakumari-Ooty-Bangalore-Ooty-Kovalam-Ooty-Bangalore-Ooty-Bangalore-Ooty-Bangalore-Mumbai-Lusaka…

I’m sure I’ve missed out a couple.

Sometimes I wish I could just stay in one place…. NAH. Not possible. I’m a third culture kid, its in my nature. And apparently because I have little black spot under my foot its in my ‘destiny’ to move around a lot. I know I know, its just a silly superstition, but I think it just may be true. I hope.

Where are you going to take me next???

Later,

Meg "let it slide" Daniel...

...She coined that phrase herself.

(I look like a kid in that photo, it wasn't THAT long ago. Wow. I feel I have grown four years older since I left, not four months!!)

Little old lady # 2. Let me explain.

We have a dream that one day (why does that sound familiar?!?!) Anyway, one day we will sit on a porch or maybe a field with that ridiculously big rainbow umbrella and a mat on a bright sunny day, she in her purple dress and red hat that don’t match at all (gasp) and me… hmmmm I’m not sure what I’ll be wearing but it won’t be much of a difference from my unfashionable self at the moment, but I’ll have long gray hair and I’ll be a little plump, not a skinny old woman; they have a scary look about them.

There will be a picnic basket and big flask of hot water. We’ll be drinking tea (Earl Grey for her, Peach or Lemon for me!)

And we’ll just generally be laughing our heads off about things of the past and our shared and independent idiocracies (dammit, apparently that’s not a word!) idiocies (? idiocracies sounds soooo much better!) and just how everyone is an ass. Lol

Oh and we’ll be old. I don’t think I mentioned that.

Friends Forever, Stuck Together. (BAHAHA, that’s such an old slam book phrase!)

Love you Megges!
Can’t wait!

Proverbs 16:31”Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life.”

Let's start from the very be-gin-ning...

...A very good place to start.

(Do you recognize that song, if not, chhee chhee chhee. Lol. Ok hear some more.)

When you read, you begin with A-B-C
When you sing you begin with Do-Re-Mi
Do-Re-Mi, the first three notes just happen to be Do-Re-Mi
Do-Re-Mi-Fa-So-La-Ti
Maria: Okay let’s think of an easier way
Music: ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting
Do, a deer, a female deer
Re, a drop of golden sun
Mi, a name I call myself
Fa, a long-a-way to run
So, a needle pulling thread
La, a note to follow So
Ti, I drink with jam and bread
….

No, I haven’t gone mad (I think) I was just watching Sound of Music again yesterday. My FAVOURIT-EST movie. NEVER fails to cheer me up.

Also watched Coach Carter again yesterday. What a heart-warming movie. Although, it reminded me of school again, because we watched it at the Holiday Inn after a “formal” dinner. Sob sob. :(

"I know, it ain't easy but its okay..."

Hmmmm. Trying to move on...

Anyway, I better go now, have some life-determining decisions to make. Decisions decisions. I’m exaggerating, I just have 8 days now to figure out where I want to apply in the US otherwise I lose my “free” SAT results. It went well btw.

More Later,

Now what?

SO I just finished with the SAT. It was okay, I guess. Don't really want to analyse too much although Abhi already made me do that. ;) Ah well. I'm exhausted but I can't sleep. Its supposed to be a 3hr 45 min exam but I just spend five hours at the International School of Lusaka this morning. First of all there's all the checking of IDs and things and then there's millions of instructions, three measly breaks and the test itself. GAH. Damned sleep, it never comes to me. I stayed awake for ages once again last night. Am I an insomniac?? Is it possible for sleep to hate you? Cause if it is, then I'm sure that it hates me. I guess if I want it to like me, then its no good of me to call it names then, is it? Nice sleep, good sleep... !

And now I have to find something else to do, otherwise I will go crazy. Here's an interesting thought from Joni Eareckson (you should read up her story, its really amazing. she's the definition of 'tenacity' herself." :

Joni : "Sometimes, Lord, I don't know how you can stand to live inside me!"

So true. Sometimes I think, where can I run to escape from myself and what about God. He has the choice to step out, its so easy for Him and yet He never does that.

Joni : "Because He lives inside me, he's literally in the thick of the battle."

A while ago, Meg and I were chatting and she said she was an ass and I said "We're all asses" to that. I'm definitely not the nicest person I know and sometimes I wonder why on earth would anybody want to spend time with me, I'm such an ass. Don't get me wrong, I'm not low on self-esteem or anything, I'm just trying to make a point. Nobody is perfect and our thoughts, whether we like to admit it or not can be so insulting to God sometimes. Yet He lives inside us. He knows our every thought; before we even think it, we don't even have to say it and He's heard it already.

The problem is that too often we think of God as something else, He's different we say, this or that doesn't apply to God. The problem is we make God too impersonal, when actually He's more personal than anything else. Before you sweep God under the carpet, just think for a second... He has thought of you as His; His very own. He is the Lover and you are the Beloved. You are the apple of His eye. How does it feel when someone you love, someone you have thought of as your own, simply sweeps you away, turns their back on you and walks in the opposite direction? It kills. How many times will you "kill" God?

Don't walk away.

Zechariah 2:8 "Whoever touches you, touches the apple of His eye."

For my Sushi

At the beginning of this week, I thought it would be the fastest week of my life because I have my exam on Saturday and it would be nice if it didn’t come too fast. How wrong I was!! In fact this has possibly been the longest week of my life. I can’t believe I still haven’t written the damn exam!! It seems I have felt every tick and every tock of the clock.

Tick tock tick tock tick tock.

Gah.

I have also really missed school this week. I always do, its like a part of me but more especially this week. Its obviously the people I miss the most, cause its really they who make Hebron so special. But I’ve also missed the campus and oh-so-wonderful ooty-ka-booty!!! (I still stand by my conviction that ooty is the best place in the world!!) Soooooo many memories. Five years is no joke, heck two is bad enough. I can’t even begin to imagine how it must be like for people who have lived there for longer let alone those who have literally been born and brought up there!!

Anyway I just remembered Sushi because I was playing Antakshari (a singing game) in my head and this song by KK came to mind that always makes me cry…

Yaaron dosti badi hi haseen hai
(Friends, friendship is very beautiful)
Yeh naa ho to, Kya phir bolo…
(If it didn’t exist, tell me…)
Yeh Zindagi hai?
(what then is life?)

See, already getting teary!!!

I miss you Sush-mush, my singing buddy. We sounded good together (despite the fact that Adrian always said we sounded like mosquitoes, he obviously doesn’t have any taste!! ;)
Somehow I don’t sound so great without you!!

Till we sing together again…

“Friends are friends forever, if the Lord’s the Lord of them.”

The Power of Music

If there are things that can lift my mood, they’re music and dance. I am far from the most musical person I know, and although I like to imagine I can sing, I’m not too sure about that. BUT I can appreciate music, not every kind of them though. E.g. I’m not exactly a fan of techno, rap, alt rock and some others.

In the dorm we listened to different music according to our moods. These are some of the moods I can remember:

1) Feel good music. If you’re sad, and it has anything to do with a guy then its feel-good music you need!
Favourites: Any angry female singer like Michelle Branch or Kelly Clarkson.

2) Awwww music. The urge for romantic music was quite common. (We’re girls, we’re emotional creatures!!) Either after a good day at school (also to do with a guy!), or after watching a chick flick or just simply after a good night’s sleep.
Favourites: For a while our # 1 was “That’s when I love you,” by a certain female called Aslyn. Gah. What a soppy song, and we listened to it wayyyy to many times! Otherwise it was one of AJ’s “Emo” CDs, Sushi’s Eagles, The Matt and Angie wedding album, or “A walk to remember” was an all time favourite.

3) Peter Pan. This gets its own slot cause it was precious to all of us cause that was our Yr 13 drama and always brought about a reminiscing mood. Although it was probably most precious to the CO-director, Meg-ass!!! ;)
Included: Finding Neverland and the sound track for the Peter Pan movie.

4) After Holiday Music. This of course varied. During the breaks was the only time we could catch up with what was new on the music scene. So it could be hindi like Salaam Namaste or Rang De Basanti, or Meg’s piano guy (I’ve forgotten his name), or even rediscovered tapes left at home like Grace’s Shakira.

5) Fun/Crazy/Hyper. Usually this meant putting in one of my random MP3s which I spent my entire holiday compiling on Limewire. It would include all the ‘cool’ songs from movies we’d watched in the dorm and other random shtuff!
Favourites: Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy by Big and Rich!!! (One of my personal favourites! Come on Meg, admit you LURVE that song!!!) Ain’t no mountain High Enough, Dus Bahane (!!!), Do you love me and other Dirty Dancing songs, or one of those hairbrush/deo-microphone songs that we could sing at the top of our lungs like Jojo’s “Baby it’s You” or “Leave” or Liz Phair’s “Why Can’t I” Oh yeah, we also had a short Elvis Presley phase near the end of term to which I also have an embarrassing and hilarious video but I won’t publish that!!!

6) Christian Music. Anytime! What better way to humble yourself than to sing of God’s love?
Favourites: Well, varied. We had lots of different phases. Hillsong after the Youth Fellowship Camp. Wow 2006 after we watched the video. Third Day – what a voice!!! And also one of Gail’s faves. Meg had a Relient K phase and still loves them.

So you can imagine that the upstairs corridor of our dorm was never quiet!! You’re right!! If it wasn’t blaring music, it was us!!!

"I need You"

Matthew 26:38 He said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

Thank You Jesus, for reminding us when the going gets tough that no one, NO ONE has known nor will any one ever know sorrow like you have and yet you still overcame the world…

John 16:33 In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

You are great! I love you Lord. Be my all.

A verse to you, my friends, my support system...

Hey all,
If you read my last post or my emails or chatted with me this evening or emailed me, this is for you. I just wanted to thank you all for caring. I believe myself to be truly blessed for having people like you in my life who have always been there to catch me when I fall, pat me on the back and get me to keep walking, keep trusting and move on. Even though not a single one of you are physically here with me, your prayers and your concern has not given me the chance to think for a second that I am alone. You are testimony to the fact that God never puts you through anything, that you will not be able to cope with.
I am fine. Don't worry. Even if I feel sometimes that I can't walk, God is carrying me and I thank Him, for giving me the opportunity to let Him do that for me. Its a great feeling!
Matthew 11:28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
On a lighter note, what the heck is a No.2 pencil??? I woke up at 5:30 this morning (don't ask, it was to do with the wind blowing fiercely outside my window and a stupid sparrow monotonously and sonourously making a very annoying sound outside the other window; it wasn't even a tune it was like pressing a single note again and again on a piano that is out of tune) and was thinking about that. I think most of you are aware that I am doing my SAT 1 test this Saturday and ETS (which is the examining board) requires you to shade your answers with a "No.2" pencil. Now, there's is no such pencil that actually says "No.2" on it. At least not here. There may be in the West or other parts of the world. Has anybody seen a pencil that says "No.2" on it?? I went to a stationery shop and asked them and they had just as baffled an expression, as I was feeling. They even suggested that I must be wrong, there's no such thing as a "No.2" pencil. So I asked them if they had SAT books and showed them that it said right there under the requirements,"Bring No.2 pencils," but obviously they just shrugged cause they don't know what they are either. I've only ever seen HB, 4H, 6H, 2H etc etc. Any way, fortunately my tutor informed me that apparentely "No.2" pencils are also known as 2B. Okay, easy enough, find 2B pencils... Well not THAT easy. In the whole of Lusaka there is only one stationery shop apparentely that stocks 2B pencils and so we had to find that, cause neither my parents not I have ever been there. Anyway, I finally bought them pencils y'day. And then I came home and at the lunch table this verbatim the conversation (well translated to English from Bengali!!):
Papa: Did you buy the pencils?
Me: Yeah
Papa: How many?
Me: four
Papa: Why? They asked you to buy twelve. Why didn't you buy twelve?
Me (shrugs): whatever.
Once you've read the Princeton Book you'll see that they like to exaggerate. College board advices you to bring two. And plus 12 pencils would cost 12000 Kwacha which is approx. 120 Rupees. That's ridiculous! That's would be like one week's pocket money for me at school, which could comfortably feed me a cheese dosa at Nahars, a plate of chilli chicken from Abads and a fresh fruit juice and still save me money for a couple of jolly ranchers or an auto back to Selborne!!!!
People don't know the value of money! You gotta live in Ooty to know!! And at Hebron at that. Sheesh...
;)

Friend of Sinners

“Give ear, O LORD, and hear; open your eyes, O LORD and see…” – Isaiah 37:17

I was upset yesterday. In one moment, for some reason, I felt as though I had lost everything. I don’t know why, but it felt like there was a hole created somewhere inside me. And instead of trying to fill that hole with God, I wanted to turn around and run as fast as I could in the opposite direction. I wanted to harden my heart so that I didn’t have to feel anything. I even prayed for that cause I have an exam in about three days and I need to focus on that right now. When I’m upset, I completely lose focus, but I can’t help being upset so I’d just have to harden my heart, right? “Please Lord, harden my heart, will you?” I prayed.

I am still sporadically bursting into tears and still hurting although I’m not even sure why so I guess God didn’t answer my prayer; he didn’t harden my heart and I don’t think he will. Instead he says, “Are you in need of a friend today? I will be your friend.”

Yes lord! Be the friend I need…

I asked the Lord that I might grow in faith,
And love, and every grace,
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek earnestly His face.
‘Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer;
But it has been in such a way; as almost drove me to despair.
I hoped that in some favored hour at once He’d answer my request;
And, by His love’s constraining power,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.
Instead of this, He made me feel the hidden evils of my heart,
And let the angry powers of hell assault my soul in every part…
“Lord, why is this?” I trembling cried,
“Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?”
“Tis in this way,” the Lord replied,
“I answer prayer for grace and faith.”
- John Newton

What if...

Another song that I love, the lyrics are thought-provoking too.

What if by Nicole Nordeman

What if you’re right?
He was just another nice guy.
What if you’re right?
What if its true?
They say the cross will only make a fool of you.
And what if its true?
What if he takes his place in History with all the prophets and the Kings who taught us love and came in peace but then the story ends.
What then?
But what if you’re wrong?
What if there’s more?
What if there’s hope you’ve never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump, just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if he’s more than enough?
What if its love?
What if you dig,
Way down deeper than your simple minded friends?
What if you dig?
What if you find,
A thousand more unanswered questions down inside?
That’s all you find.
What if you pick the path of logic and begin to poke the holes?
What if the crown of thorns is no more than fokelore that must be told and re-told?
What if you’re wrong?
What if there’s more?
What if there’s hope you’ve never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump, just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
Cause you’ve been running as fast as you can, you’ve been looking for a place you can land for so long.
But what if you’re wrong?
What if you jump, just close your eyes?What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if its love?

Song of Songs

Yesterday before I went to sleep, well before I turned out the light and lay in bed trying to get to sleep for about two hours, I was reading a certain book in the Bible called the Song of Songs, which left me with a lot of thoughts. Thoughts that I have been thinking a lot about over the last week thanks to great conversations with great friends and great blog entries!! Anyway, Song of Songs is a whole book describing the love between Lover and his Beloved, but its not just a story, it has millions of underlying messages and jewels of wisdom hidden between the lines. Here’s what I got out of it (and I’m sure its only a tiny tiny fraction of its real meaning):

Passion is God-made too.
The Bible having this book in itself is a testimony to that. There is nothing wrong with it. God gave us the ability to love a member of the opposite sex passionately BUT purely. And the BUT is big so obviously there are conditions.
The conditions.
The book of Ecclesiastes says there is a time for everything under the sun. So there must be a time for passion too. That’s the condition. Twice in Song of Songs, and it seems in the most awkward points, the Beloved says, “I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” So time is essential, there are no specific age limits but there is a specific time for each person, and we are not to forcefully awaken that feeling before the time is right.
The role of women.
Interestingly, the Beloved charges the “Daughters of Jerusalem.” She charges women not to arouse or awaken love until it so desires and not men. Why? On first reading that, it seems unfair. Why should women be blamed and are not men just as much to blame!? But its not a blame game, men are to be responsible but a woman has the key to unlock those feelings in a man by nature. Think about it, if it wasn’t for Eve’s existence, how could Adam ever feel passion for a woman? And we are the daughters of Eve so we are meant to be appealing to men by nature so we have to be careful not to accentuate that appeal by our actions. Look at it this way; your actions and your appeal have an exponential relationship. So we need to realize our power, women. Like the famous line in Spiderman goes and rings true: “With great power comes great responsibility.” (!!!!)
The role of men.
Women were made to be your helper in good work. How will you thank her for that? How will you appreciate her? You are meant to protect women from gawking eyes and sleazes; not be them!! A woman is your sister if she is not your wife and even if she is your wife, she was sister first so protect her as you would your sister.

Weddings and Blogs

You might be racking your brain trying to figure out what on earth the connection between the two is but you can stop! There isn’t any… well, maybe there is. Okay let me explain.
Basically they are two things that I really like.
Although I have only ever been to like two weddings in my life and my brother’s will be the third up to date and the first Church wedding (I am soooo looking forward to December!!!) Okay where was I? Ah yes, although I haven’t been to many weddings, I love them and I love to dream about mine or my friends’ that hopefully I will someday be invited to. (hint hint) Although its probably going to cost me a bomb to be able to afford to attend them seeing as they have all chosen to each pick a different corner of the world to live in, so you might have to send me a ticket along with the card! ;) But I suppose that’s still a long way away so needn’t worry about that just now. Anywayssssss, as I was saying; weddings are beautiful. Whenever I see wedding photos, my eyes always brim up with tears; I just hope I don’t actually end up crying on my wedding day!! It has always fascinated me to see two people promising to spend the rest of their lives together; through the thick and the thin. It’s a big thing, and that’s probably what makes it so special.
The other thing was Blogs. I LOVE looking at other people’s blogs, even if I don’t know them, it makes me feel like I’m making new friends, because friends make you think, friends challenge you and that’s what entries in other people’s blogs make me do. Some of the blogs I’ve been browsing through have some really cool thoughts as well, that get you thinking about things that perhaps you would not have thought about before. That’s the power of communication, that’s the purpose of people, I feel. Imagine the world, if you were the only person in it… Yes, there would still be nature to admire but it would definitely not be the same. And isn’t it nice that God that about that? He didn’t just leave Adam to be the only person to live in this world, but he created Eve so that he wouldn’t be alone. This is what Genesis says: Gen 2: 15 – 18 “The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it… The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” We are meant to live with other people, it is good for us!
More later…

When the rain comes

We hardly had like a week of heat after the chill of July, August and September here in Zambia and now its cold again cause its started raining!! Rain seems to inspire a lot of songs and poems and stuff like ‘She’s my kinda rain’ and millions of hindi songs as well. Anyway, this song came to mind as I am sitting and watching it rain outside and wince at the chilly breeze coming through my window and listen to the loud rumble of the the thunder… Its called When the rain comes and is by one of my favourite bands – Third Day, they have the best songs! Ahhhh, I love the rain… Especially the smell of it…

Song: When the rain comes
Lyrics by Mark Lee/Music by Third Day
From the recording: Come Together, Track #10.

When the rain comes it seems that everyone has
gone away
When the night falls you wonder if you shouldn't
find someplace
To run and hide / Escape the pain
But hiding's such a lonely thing to do

I can't stop the rain / From falling down on you again
I can't stop the rain / But I will hold you 'til it goes away

When the rain comes you blame it on the things that
you have done
When the storm fades you know that rain must fall
on everyone
So Rest awhile / it'll be alright
No one loves you like I do

When the rain comes / I will hold you

Last Week: Pictures from Navratri