Now what?

SO I just finished with the SAT. It was okay, I guess. Don't really want to analyse too much although Abhi already made me do that. ;) Ah well. I'm exhausted but I can't sleep. Its supposed to be a 3hr 45 min exam but I just spend five hours at the International School of Lusaka this morning. First of all there's all the checking of IDs and things and then there's millions of instructions, three measly breaks and the test itself. GAH. Damned sleep, it never comes to me. I stayed awake for ages once again last night. Am I an insomniac?? Is it possible for sleep to hate you? Cause if it is, then I'm sure that it hates me. I guess if I want it to like me, then its no good of me to call it names then, is it? Nice sleep, good sleep... !

And now I have to find something else to do, otherwise I will go crazy. Here's an interesting thought from Joni Eareckson (you should read up her story, its really amazing. she's the definition of 'tenacity' herself." :

Joni : "Sometimes, Lord, I don't know how you can stand to live inside me!"

So true. Sometimes I think, where can I run to escape from myself and what about God. He has the choice to step out, its so easy for Him and yet He never does that.

Joni : "Because He lives inside me, he's literally in the thick of the battle."

A while ago, Meg and I were chatting and she said she was an ass and I said "We're all asses" to that. I'm definitely not the nicest person I know and sometimes I wonder why on earth would anybody want to spend time with me, I'm such an ass. Don't get me wrong, I'm not low on self-esteem or anything, I'm just trying to make a point. Nobody is perfect and our thoughts, whether we like to admit it or not can be so insulting to God sometimes. Yet He lives inside us. He knows our every thought; before we even think it, we don't even have to say it and He's heard it already.

The problem is that too often we think of God as something else, He's different we say, this or that doesn't apply to God. The problem is we make God too impersonal, when actually He's more personal than anything else. Before you sweep God under the carpet, just think for a second... He has thought of you as His; His very own. He is the Lover and you are the Beloved. You are the apple of His eye. How does it feel when someone you love, someone you have thought of as your own, simply sweeps you away, turns their back on you and walks in the opposite direction? It kills. How many times will you "kill" God?

Don't walk away.

Zechariah 2:8 "Whoever touches you, touches the apple of His eye."