Friend of Sinners

“Give ear, O LORD, and hear; open your eyes, O LORD and see…” – Isaiah 37:17

I was upset yesterday. In one moment, for some reason, I felt as though I had lost everything. I don’t know why, but it felt like there was a hole created somewhere inside me. And instead of trying to fill that hole with God, I wanted to turn around and run as fast as I could in the opposite direction. I wanted to harden my heart so that I didn’t have to feel anything. I even prayed for that cause I have an exam in about three days and I need to focus on that right now. When I’m upset, I completely lose focus, but I can’t help being upset so I’d just have to harden my heart, right? “Please Lord, harden my heart, will you?” I prayed.

I am still sporadically bursting into tears and still hurting although I’m not even sure why so I guess God didn’t answer my prayer; he didn’t harden my heart and I don’t think he will. Instead he says, “Are you in need of a friend today? I will be your friend.”

Yes lord! Be the friend I need…

I asked the Lord that I might grow in faith,
And love, and every grace,
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek earnestly His face.
‘Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer;
But it has been in such a way; as almost drove me to despair.
I hoped that in some favored hour at once He’d answer my request;
And, by His love’s constraining power,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.
Instead of this, He made me feel the hidden evils of my heart,
And let the angry powers of hell assault my soul in every part…
“Lord, why is this?” I trembling cried,
“Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?”
“Tis in this way,” the Lord replied,
“I answer prayer for grace and faith.”
- John Newton